Night on the town with Herman was good. We played a relationship game, a card game that I ripped out of a Psychology magazine. One with different questions, thoughtful ones or amusing ones. Made for good conversation. We played this during dinner. Though it may sound weird or forced, in our relationship a game instigates conversation that otherwise would just peter out. Because my hubby and I have such differing interests, sometimes it feels like we’re a staid old couple with nothing to say to each other.
We went to a movie later, a dutch one, not to be recommended. But it was fun to complain about it together!

Coming home was hard for me. I tend to feel overly responsible for the family, according to many. This may be true. Again, this is a responsibility that weighs heavily on my mind, but may not seem as evident in my actions. Because really, action wise I often feel like I only do the bare minimum that motherhood entails. An ongoing issue in my mind anyway.
A little crisis here and there kept the adrenaline and the tears flowing. It kind of feels like a roller coaster lately as far as differing circumstances go!
Now I must be off to a new years churchly ceremony at Hermans work.

Facebook

Yesterday I had a small heart attack when I heard that my “boss” is on facebook. MY BOSS IS ON FACEBOOK! I hear this one day after I gleefully wrote that I was on facebook while at work… I came home and checked my privacy settings. Phew. No worries there. I will not add him as a friend, and he can’t see anything of mine without being one.

2.

Food bank

I heard the facebook news while chatting away with a number of lovely woman about setting up a food bank here in our little town. Good chatting! We’ll be exploring the possibilities, going to visit other food banks and checking with social services to see if they will endorse the project. It was fun realizing that the network I’ve been building up at work this last year will come to good use for this project as well.

3.

Sinterklaas

I never did get around to posting about Sinterklaas on the fifth of december, except as a status update on facebook. But yesterday we leafed throught the pictures on the computer and I thought I’d put some up here for posterity. That is, after all, what blogging is all about, isn’t it?

We had great evening that night. Such huge amounts of creativity!

4.

NEW books

While at the arty party with my sister and brother we got to talking about spending money and buying books. It was clear to them that books are my passion.  But, I feel guilty every time I buy them. Like it’s a waste of money. So they challenged me to buy one NEW book each month, for the coming year. And yesterday, I did. With great pleasure. In the book store. Handing over more than the usual 50 cents I pay at the second hand book store.

It made me feel proud and happy. A small investment in myself, a gesture to make myself understand that I’m worth the investment

Thanks Renzo and Lise!

5.

Hotel

Tonight Herman and I are off for a night in a hotel and a small shopping spree the day after. It all started because I couldn’t find Herman a present for his birthday. I probably also didn’t start looking on time, but let’s not talk about that. Finally, motivated by desperation, I booked us a night in a hotel. I remember thinking though, why should we only do this once a year? It’s not all that expensive to go away for a night, if you look for a good bargain, and it makes for a lovely date. And that’s something we don’t get around to much with the house full lately. So we’re off later today. I’m hoping for some quality time together, and a nice sweater for Herman.

6.

Friends/Family and other strangers

Our Christmas break was one that was filled with people. Our second “daughter”  came back home sooner than expected. We had my mom and dad sleep over, then a friend slept over. Some girls/clients from Hermans work came over for an evening of dinner and games.  Two nights ago sister in law dropped by with husband to let us know that they’re pregnant. Meanwhile other brother in law was there as well. Around  Christmas I met up with three friends. Coffee at Hermans work. My girlie has come back from Hungary with her boyfriend, pleasurably adding to the crowd. Lunch with volunteers, coffe with second daughters mother. Arty party with brother and sister. People, people everywhere. Or at least that what it feels like. A social whirl which makes me feel like this is home but which also leaves desperately little time for blogging or just sitting or time in the house alone. Maybe next week the pace will settle down a  little?

7.

Kitchen

Herman has taken some days off and has been working in the kitchen. My, that’s beginning to look good! I had gotten so used to spreading my bread on an upside down door that I forgot what it would look like when we put in a real countertop. Or base boards. Or painted the walls, or any other of the stuff that he’s been doing. That also adds to the homey feel of the house. It’s been two years, so it’s about time that this place started feeling like home!

Worries about the four kids in my house running through my mind. Nighttime is the worst for worries, isn’t it? Somehow the dark and the sense of timelessness makes things worse instead of beter. Once daytime comes it often feels like light is literally shed in the dark corners of the mind, making the worries flee. Sometimes to even darker recesses, where they linger and return the night after, but sometimes they’re gone.

I hope they will be gone today.

We missed our littlest sister though!

I saw this comic strip on my friend Dori’s blog and it really rang a bell.

Because the first three pictures are exactly what my resolutions were/are (just replace meditation by prayer). But the fourth, that one made my heart do a little leap. Not that I want to go out and ride a motorbike, but the freedom it envisaged, that really did do the trick.

So that’s my new years resolution. To implement the first three to facilitate the fourth.

Our logee, or guest child, is coming “home” today. Leaving her family home to come to ours. Christmas hasn’t worked out well for her. I think the best therapy for her would be to bundle her up and wrap her up against my body as if she were a baby and then carry her around until she feels safe. Only problem is she’s 6 foot tall and 19 years old!

It’s sad and worrying to see how she suffers in her head with things that defy logic. I hope the relative safety of our home will give her some comfort.
Despite the sometimes worrying aspects, she’s also a joy to have around. Somehow our family becomes more of a family when we have a guest. Guests often bring out the best in us. And this girlie is a sweetheart. Able to make us laugh and smile no matter what the circumstances, God bless her.

I think it’s pretty amazing that God can use something as flawed as our own family to mean something to someone else. He’s cool that way!

Last night we had a lovely evening with my parents and the rest of the available family. A delicious dinner was eaten. Phone calls were made to Ethiopia and Hungary to let the loved ones know we are thinking of them. Presents were exchanged and appreciated. Cousins played and laughed. And, despite all the weather warnings, we made it home just fine.

So today will be a relaxed day. A friend and I will probably pop by and visit another friend of ours, one who is alone this Christmas. We’ll be visiting Hermans side of the family for a movie and meal. I might bake some cookies. I’ve got a puzzle lying on the table, ready for me to start making it in traditional holiday style. It’s snowing outside, a first white Christmas in….. many a year!

I believe the Christmas peace and quiet has finally hit me. Relaxation is sinking in. Hallelujah!

Lambert has had me bored because he tends to talk a lot. But Lambert has also managed to mess with my head in such a way that I’ve actually changed some habits, and (most frighteningly of all) he has made me cry. Or rather, helped me cry.
Which is not a bad thing, I’m discovering.

Today I came up with the enlightened statement that I may just permit myself to take the advice that I often offer to others. Be yourself, cry if you need to, mourn your losses. There’s no shame in that! No shame in letting the world see your sadness. You don’t have to be perfect, you are good just the way you are.
And God? He really is a safe place to fall. He really truly is. I may not understand Him (and do I really want to?) but He is a soft place to fall.

Amen to that!

My boy should be coming home today. I’m guessing the people he’s staying with won’t be too happy with the drive. But I’ll be happy to see him. With his sister being gone, we have some more time together. To spend watching Lost, season 5. Or to spend going to my brother in laws, to watch the newest Star Trek movie on huge screen. To make him a snack pack, as he likes to call it, when he watches a movie on tv. And to sit next to him, hoping he will rest some part of his body against mine, as cuddling seems to be viewed as something awful.

I will maybe grab another cup of coffee, and put on some Christmas music and bless the peace and quiet that is enveloping this house, for as long as it lasts.

Today I was at “home” helping my mom out in the kitchen. She and my dad are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary tonight. I wandered into my dads office at one point, where he had safely sequestered himself. Since their move back they have reclaimed all their boxes and packages from all over the place and have really made this little house theirs. That includes books, lots of them! It’s the books that make me feel at home, like old friends I meet again. My dad was rummaging through stuff and came up with the list of my old boyfriends. The one he used to commemorate them on my wedding day. I had to smile, listening to the names, and realizing I’m back in touch with a number of them through facebook. And realizing that I can’t remember the last names of a number of others. And realizing that I’ve known my husband now for longer than I havn’t known him.
Now that truly makes me feel old.